Dylan’s words repeated over and over in my head, “No one would believe you anyways.” He was right, why bother to tell my Dad or my Mom, they would never believe me. I wish I was strong, strong enough to own up to what happened. Just thinking about it all brings tears to my eyes again. Why can’t I let this all go? Maybe he is right and no one would believe me, and our family would be torn. Or maybe, if I told his rain of terror over me would end, I could be free.
“Boo, are you in the computer room?”
“Yeah Dad, I’m in here.”
My dad appeared in the door way, as tears streamed down my cheeks. “Is something wrong?”
“Um, yes, but I’m not sure how to even tell you.”
“Boo, come one just try, should I get Sandy in here?”
Sandy is my Dads’ wife, and whenever I need to have a talk with him, it’s her I end up with. It’s hard for my Dad to talk about his feelings; it’s where I got that terrible habit of bottling things up from. Not this time, this time I was going to stand up for myself, and speak up. Like vomit it spurred out of my mouth in an instant.
“Dad, Dylan molested me this past week. First it just started out as crude comments, and then it progressed to touching.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner Boo?”
Why is it whenever you tell your parents something huge, it’s always, Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Can’t it just once be how can I help? Or come here I’ll hold you until you feel all better.
“I was scared you wouldn’t believe me, that Dylan would be really mad at me for speaking up, and that it would tear apart our family.”
“Have you told your mom yet?”
“No.”
“Maybe we should keep this between us. Are you sure it was all unwanted Boo? You guys seemed pretty chummy? You were kind of leading him on don’t you agree?”
Tears hit my cheeks and fell like waterfalls; did my Dad really just suggest I asked to be molested? Who asks to be touched by their third cousin? Who says don’t touch me, and tries to avoid that person, stricken with terror just at the call of their name, if they asked for it?
“What?”
“Look, all I’m saying is no need to get your mom involved if this isn’t really what happened.”
“Iiii’mmm nnnottt talkkkking tttooo yoooou abbout thiiiisss.” My words began to slur as the up heaving sobs hit me. I ran to the phone and dialled my Moms cell.
“Hello.”
“hiii.” I broke down, “Mom?” Like I don’t know it’s her on the phone with me. Ever notice when you are upset your words slur and you ask stupid questions? I often wonder why that is. “I have something to tell you.”
“What is wrong Sweetie?”
“Where do I even start? Um, well, this past week, I’ve been camping.”
“So I was aware.”
“And, um, well, I can’t say it.”
“Sweetie I’m not a mind reader, if you can’t say it, I can’t just guess it.”
“I wish you could. I, It’s not like I don’t want to tell you. It’s just, well, Dad didn’t believe me, and I’m so scared you won’t either. And, maybe it’s just not worth saying, never mind Mom, forget I called.”
“Wait, just one cotton picking minute! Do not hang up on me young lady. I know it’s hard for you, but just tell me what is wrong. I cannot help you if you do not tell me.”
“Okay, here it goes………… Dylan molested me.”
“What? Hunny are you okay?”
“No!”
We talked for a while, and she promised everything would be okay. It took everything I had to open up to her and tell her that. I’m glad I did, because if I hadn’t that secret would have ate at me. Things like that never really go away; they just fester in your thoughts if left unspoken, and tear down the walls you build to keep out the hurt. Dylan was charged, since he is only sixteen and not yet an adult he got off fairly well. He had to pay a fine to compensate for what I went through, and ended up in juvy for a year. Or family took my side, his parents ended up breaking up from the stress. His mom disappeared after that, and his dad still remains a close part in our family. We only ask that Dylan not be involved in any of the get togethers. He agreed to that, and to top it all off. Once Dylan graduates he is being listed as a child molester and will be flagged. Everyone in a two block radius must be notified if he moves into their neighbourhood.
I’ve been in therapy for a few months now, and I am making a lot of progress. It won’t be long before this will all just feel like a bad dream, and I will get to go back to being a kid. No one should have to grow up at thirteen. You’re still an innocent at that age, and you deserve to express that.
No comments:
Post a Comment