Sudden realization anyone?

I am posting this little mind flow I wrote, simply because I have no new stories or parts of ones yet :)

I came to the sudden realization today, I truly am happier than I've been in years; since grade 7 I believe. All day, I've been ecstatic. Finally nothing can hurt me, no more minor break downs over minor problems. My self confidence is back, and it's sky rocketing. I'm somewhat attractive, and I know it! Never would I have guessed I would reach this point. The point where my self confidence radiates, where I can be me, on my own again. There's that word though, Alone.

Alone, it haunts me; yes I just ranted and raved about feeling great, I know. None of which was a lie, I feel amazing, happy, but still something is missing. Like a Puzzle missing a single piece; I crave that piece, I want it back. I'll substitute similar pieces; cram them every which way, trying to create a match. Everyone else can see my tactics are futile, but me, I just carry on trying day in and day out. Until all the edges of me break own, and nothing; not even the original piece can fit anymore. My obsession to feel wanted, to have someone to call my own, to be anything but alone, is blinding me.

So yes, I am happy, and yes I can handle that on my own. But no, I can't handle being alone, and no I can't love, and worst of all, I keep losing sexual tensions, and attraction. Further more I can't fix myself, and I am unwilling to allow others too, guess I'm stuck this time, huh?